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The habit of making too many complaints which in other words means making complaints about most things, circumstances and people, is one bad habit which can certainly do a good amount of damage to you as this habit makes you miss out on the best of most people, situations and things. Too much complaining is a branch of the habit of negative attitude and it deals with specific types of negative patterns of the subconscious mind. Due to these specific types of negative patterns fed to the subconscious mind through conscious activities, the people suffering from this habit can’t help themselves complaining about most people, circumstances and things they come across.

For example, you can hear these people making complaints about most people, things and circumstances in their day to day lives and some of these complaints may be something like; the tea is too hot or the tea is not as hot as it should be; the coffee is a little too strong for me or the coffee is a little too light for me; the water is not cold enough or the water is too cold to drink; this food item has not been cooked properly or it has been overcooked; this bread is not as soft as it should be or this bread is a little too soft; this dress is a little too short or it is a little too long; this sofa is a little too comfortable or this sofa is not as comfortable as it should be; the paint on this wall is a little too dark or the paint is not as dark as it should be; this movie is not as romantic as it should be or this movie is a little too romantic; that character in the movie is not as expressive as it should be or that character is a little too expressive; the caramel popcorns don’t have enough caramel on them or they have too much caramel on them.

Similarly other complaints of this type can be; this gym has fewer number of treadmills or the gym has too many treadmills; the air conditioning is a little too effective or it is not as effective as it should be which means either the temperature is a little too low or it is not as low as it should be; that trainer does not have as much muscle as a trainer should have or that trainer is too muscular; this airplane fare should include meals (when the fare is very cheap) or the fare should be less (when it includes meals); you are driving a bit too fast or you are driving a bit too slow; the speech was too short or the speech was too long; you are calling a bit too early or you are calling a bit too late; you pay too little attention to my needs or you interfere too much with my affairs; you don’t have any emotions or you are too emotional; you are not mature enough for me or you are too mature for me, and many other complaints like them.

It is interesting to note that in most of the complaints mentioned above, the person complaining has a reason to complain in situations which are opposite to each other. For example, if this person is your wife and you decide to take interest in many of her day to day affairs in order to show your love and care, you may hear from her that you are interfering too much with her affairs and you should give her more space as you are restricting her freedom. On the other hand, when you start doing that and you start giving her more and more freedom by not interfering in most of her day to day affairs, she has another complaint now, that you don’t care for her any longer and that is why you don’t take interest in most of her day to day activities.

Similarly if such a person is your husband and you like dressing up most of the time, he may complain that you look too formal most of the time and you should avoid doing this as there is no need for it. On the other hand, if you don’t believe in dressing up and you like dressing easy and comfortable most of the time, he may complain that you dress way too boring most of the time and you should dress better to inspire him. The point here is that no matter which way you may choose to behave or do certain things, the people suffering from this negative habit will always find a way to complain.

It should be noted that almost each one of us has his own tastes and choices when it comes to certain things and there are no problems with having such choices. For example, someone may have a taste for having his tea or coffee served very hot and he may complain whenever it is less than very hot, though the other person may find it reasonably hot. Similarly, someone may like the air conditioning set to the highest as he feels more comfortable with low temperatures and accordingly he may complain if the air conditioning is set to normal even though that normal may be reasonably good for many people.

Having such specific choices in a few spheres of your life and even in many spheres of your life does not make you have the habit of complaining too much, as you are simply trying to get things done according to your liking and nothing else. The difference between a person having this problem and the one not having this problem is that in case of first one of the above mentioned examples, the first person will complain if the tea is not very hot as well as if it is very hot whereas the second person will complain when the tea is not very hot but he will complement when the tea is very hot as he has got what he likes and so he pays complement to the one who has made it.

Similarly in case of second example, the person suffering from this habit will complain if the air conditioning is set to low temperature as well as if the air conditioning is set to high or even normal temperature whereas the person not having this problem may complain when the air conditioning is set to normal or higher temperature but he will feel happy and he will pay complements when the air conditioning is set to low temperature as this is what he likes. So the difference between having specific choices and having a problem of complaining too much is that the first type of people will complain when they don’t get what they like and they will complement when they get what they like, whereas the second type of people will find reasons to complain in almost any type of condition. Hence the first type of people want their likings to be done and they are happy when their choices are met whereas the second type of people simply want to find ways to complain and they do so in most cases.

Hence if you can complain and complement in a good ratio, you are not suffering from this problem and you only want certain things to be done according to your liking and there is nothing wrong with that, unless you want things which are too difficult for other people to arrange or manage, in most cases. On the other hand, if you hardly complement people or situations even when they are according to your liking and you tend to find ways to complain in most situations which means that the percentage of complaints made by you is much higher than the percentage of complements given by you, you are definitely suffering from this problem of complaining too much and you certainly need to work on it.

After understanding the symptoms of this problem, let’s now try to understand the subconscious mechanism and reasons behind this problem of complaining too much. In order to understand it in the best possible way, let’s first try to understand as to when do people complain? Well, most people complain when they are not getting what they like and instead they are getting something they don’t like, which makes these people dissatisfied and hence they complain. So the key factor working behind a complaint as well as a complement is satisfaction or dissatisfaction, in most cases, as people tend to complement when they are satisfied with what they are getting and they tend to complain when they are dissatisfied with what they are getting.

Hence dissatisfaction lies at the root of all complaints as most of us complain when we are dissatisfied and it is does not become a problem as long as we also have the habit of giving complements when we are satisfied. Since the people suffering from this negative habit tend to complain in most situations and they hardly complement anyone or anything, and since all the complaints come from dissatisfactions, it means that the people suffering from this problem have developed a subconscious habit of being dissatisfied with most circumstances, things and people. Due to this subconscious habit, they feel dissatisfied in most circumstances and that is why they complain in most circumstances as they are dissatisfied. Hence the root of this problem lies in feeling dissatisfied in most circumstances and situations and this is where we need to work.

But why do these people feel dissatisfied in most circumstances? The answer to this question is that these people have developed a subconscious habit of feeling dissatisfied in most circumstances, and this answer gives rise to one more million dollar question. Why do and how do these people develop a subconscious habit of feeling dissatisfied in most circumstances? As usual with all other negative habits of the subconscious mind, the answer to this question also lies in patterns which were formed on the subconscious mind through continuous conscious acts of specific types.

This subconscious script of feeling dissatisfied in most circumstances is written on the subconscious mind due to more than one reason and we will now discuss some of the most common and strong reasons which can write this script on the subconscious mind. The first one of these reasons is the fact that a person suffering from this problem of dissatisfaction has gone through a long series of events which were dissatisfying, in his early years of this life or for a long period of time in his past life. These conscious experiences wrote a script on his mind that most people, things and circumstances are not going to bring anything good to him and instead they are going to do one bad thing or the other to him. Accordingly, his subconscious mind starts finding reasons for dissatisfaction in most circumstances since it is acting according to a script that most circumstance are going to bring dissatisfaction.

To understand this reason with the help of real life examples, let’s take a close look into the childhood of a person suffering from this problem. As a child, this person kept facing situation after situation for many years, where all these situations brought bad things or bad results to him due to which he was hurt and dissatisfied. For example, he did not have sufficient to eat many times during his childhood and whenever the time for a meal came, he knew that he was not going to be satisfied with the food as it was not going to be enough. All the times he was dissatisfied due to lack of proper food, these conscious acts of dissatisfaction sent messages to his subconscious mind that the food was supposed to dissatisfy, most of the time.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari