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All this is happening to you, and while you keep thinking that a perfect defense mechanism is in place which is protecting you from getting hurt, the same defense mechanism is in fact the culprit of driving more and more people away from you. The more you keep away from trusting most people around you, the more uncomfortable you make them, the sooner they move away from you and the more certain you are that you were right in keeping yourself away from them and not trusting them, since they were bound to leave you in between, at one point of time or the other. Once your problem of lack of trust has reached this stage, there is no easy recovery from here and this problem is only going to intensify with time as you keep lacking trust in people, they keep moving away from you due to his lack of trust, and you keep reassuring yourself that you were right in not trusting them.

The only way out of this problem at this stage is to start doing specifically guided conscious efforts to start reducing the strength of this problem. Before discussing the specifically designed small but conscious and effective acts which can help you get rid of this problem, let’s first try to understand the kind of losses you are taking when not trusting people versus the kind of losses you may take if you choose to trust people.

If you trust people, it is very likely that some of them may hurt you every now and then, like they may have done in the past. On the other hand, if you choose not to trust people, you are very likely to be saved from getting hurt by people; but not only you end up hurting many people by not trusting them even when they are trustworthy, but you also start suffering more and more from this problem of lack of trust. It means that you stop trusting most people around you, you shut yourself off, and as a result, you keep yourself away from the company of many good people who may bring many good or even very good results for you, if you just give them the kind of trust they need.

Let’s assume that every one or two out of ten persons you trust will hurt you, six to seven among these ten will neither hurt you much nor benefit you much and just one out of these people will prove valuable asset for you, by building a strong positive relationship with you and by being there for you through thick and thin. Knowing this, let’s now discuss the profits and losses offered by trusting people as well as by not trusting people.

When you choose not to trust people, you are certainly saved from getting hurt in most cases, but you are also not able to have that one extra person in your life, which comes to you every now and then through hit and trial in case you choose to trust people. It means if you keep trusting people, even though you may keep getting hurt by two new people out of ten new people you trust, you also keep adding one new person out of these ten new people, where this person is a real asset for you and he stands by you through everything. Hence you have avoided two people who can hurt you and you have also avoided one person who can prove a real asset for you, by choosing not to trust most people.

Knowing this much, let’s assess the nature of profits and losses taken by you so that we may have a better idea of your net profits and losses. If you are getting hurt by two out of ten new and seemingly good people you meet and trust, you are taking two one-time losses because once these people really hurt you, you get to know their true nature and you can choose not to trust them any longer, which most people getting hurt by someone do. So you have suffered two one-time losses while going through an experiment where you decide to trust more and more seemingly good people after seeing certain good qualities in them.

On the other hand, the profit that you have booked by trusting these ten new people and gaining one really trustworthy and valuable person through this experiment, is not a one-time profit because you have added an asset to your net equation and this asset is forever. It means that this person is going to stand by you, serve value to you, benefit you and do many other good things to you, not only for a single time, but thousands of time in your entire life. Hence you have taken two losses from this experiment whereas you have taken thousands of profits from this experiment. On the contrary, if you choose not to trust people, you have saved yourself from two losses but at the same time, you have lost thousands of profits also by not trusting a very valuable and potential friend for the future.

So you see, the losses avoided are nothing compared to the profits lost if you choose not to trust most people around you whereas the losses suffered are nothing compared to the profits booked if you choose to trust seemingly good people around you. But even this is not all and there is much more to the equation. By not trusting people, you are not only losing out on thousands of profits but you are also giving yourself a permanent habit of lack of trust which is not going to leave you for the rest of your life as well as for the coming lives too, since it is a habit of the subconscious mind and all habits of the subconscious mind go to the next lives also, as already mentioned in the first part of this book.

Hence the losses taken by you while trusting people, are one-time losses which come and go whereas the habit of not trusting most people around you, is a permanent habit which not only keeps you away from hundreds of profits in this life, but it also keeps doing so in many of your coming lives too, until in one of your future lives, you start doing the needful to get rid of this negative habit of lack of trust. So merely in order to avoid some occasional one-time losses which may come your way, you are choosing to stay away from, hundreds of benefits, a good and permanent habit of trusting people and enjoying more and more; and you are inflicting yourself with a permanent curse in the form of this negative habit of lack of trust.

Doesn’t that look like too big a price to pay, just in order to save you from some occasional losses? Well, it certainly is a very big price to pay and therefore you should choose not to curse yourself with this habit of lack of trust, at such a small cost. It is an interesting fact that when you go to a vegetable market, you see all types of good and bad vegetables and you choose the ones you like whereas you leave the ones you don’t like. Even though there are many bad vegetables too in the market, you don’t stop going to the market and you find a suitable solution for you by choosing the good ones and ignoring the bad ones.

Similarly, you go to an apparel showroom, you select the ones you find good and you reject the ones you don’t find good. Though there may be some items which are far below your standard, you still keep visiting the showroom, ignore those substandard items and instead choose the ones according to your standards. Taking it even one step further, if for any reason, a showroom owner cheats you by giving you defective items for high prices and then refuses to return those items, and he instead makes a number of excuses to justify his items and put the blame on you, you will at the most stop visiting that showroom but you will not stop shopping for clothes or stop all types of shopping altogether.

Doing the same, you switch to another mobile service providing company if your current service provider keeps troubling you and they don’t stop giving you hard times. Now look into most other spheres of your life and you will find that you experiment with a variety of options, things and people; you keep moving away from the ones that hurt you or the ones you don’t like and you keep selecting and living with the ones that serve you good value and prove assets for you. All of us do these things because we all understand that leaving a practice altogether merely because a couple of experiments have hurt you, is not a wise choice as you can’t live happily like this and you will have to keep moving on from bad things and bad people, to the good things and good people.

This is the basic mantra for a happy life and you can’t ignore it because if you keep staying away from one practice after the other after a couple of experiments have gone bad; like deciding not to buy or use vegetables, clothes, mobile services, internet services, vehicles and many other such things merely because you have got hurt by them at times; you are only going to end up living away from more and more things of necessity, with each passing day. It means you are going to live away from the life itself because when you are keeping yourself away from your fair share of anything which is necessary for a happy life and as the number of these things keeps increasing, your life is going farther and farther away from you.

Almost everyone understands this fact and accordingly, almost everyone keeps experimenting with one thing after the other in various sphere of his life until he finds the thing which suits him. So we experiment will all necessary things, we reject the ones we don’t like and we embrace the ones we like but we don’t stop anywhere and we keep moving on with these experiments. But when it comes to trusting people and building relationships, why do many of us forget this basic but one of the most essential rules of living a happy life or even living a life worthy of being called a life; that just because some people have hurt us, we simply can’t disengage from the whole practice of trusting anyone at all.

It simply doesn’t work this way and this is the time all of us should understand it for once and for all that just like we keep selecting the good things and we keep rejecting the bad things in various spheres of our lives, but we never stop experimenting and we keep moving; we have to learn to leave the ones who breach our trust and hurt us, and embrace the ones who honor our trust and enrich our lives. The most important lesson to learn is to have a spirit of moving on with our life on all levels and a spirit of engaging in more and more experiments, no matter how many failed experiments may come our way.

You simply don’t stop eating tomatoes just because a few rotten tomatoes have come to you hiding among the good ones; you simply don’t stop wearing shoes just because one pair of shoes has torn apart within a week after you bought them; you simply don’t stop using mobile services just because a mobile company has robbed a good amount of money from you; you simply don’t choose to stay fallen just because you have fallen third time in the last ten minutes; then why don’t you learn that you simply can’t stop trusting more people just because a few people have breached your trust and hurt you.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari