You simply can’t do that and hence in the deepest sense; the last step is nothing but the resultant of a series of steps where each step contributes equally. No step is more important than another and they’re all equal in importance. Taking an example, if your turn out to be a kind person at the age of 50; each one of these years, each one of the days so far and each one of the moments so far has contributed equally in making you what you are at this time. Hence no moment or no act is more important than the other in the deepest sense; though you may think so.
For example, you might have been a violent and selfish type of person till your age of 40 and you might have started your journey of kindness; only after your age of 40. Hence you may think your life before 40 didn’t do much to make you kind and those years were less important or not important at all. However, this is only what you think and this is not true in reality.
If you analyze the journey of your life carefully, you’ll find that each one of those acts of violence or selfishness created guilt inside you and this guilt encouraged you to move away from violence and selfishness. Though the guilt rising from one such act was not sufficient to bring about a change this big in quantum; the guilt rising from thousands of such acts of selfishness over a period of many years was sufficient to bring about this change. It means that deep down; each one of those acts helped you move away from selfishness as they helped you become aware that selfishness is bad and you should choose kindness instead.
As already mentioned a number of times; awareness is the first thing you need in order to change something. It is easy to understand that you’ll never try to fix something, unless you become aware that it is broken. For instance, if your watch stops as the battery has run out, you may get the battery replaced so that it may start working again. However, if you’ve not used or even seen it for six months; it is lying somewhere safely and the battery has run out five months ago, the situation is different.
Though the watch has stopped working five months ago; you can only fix this issue once you become aware that there is an issue to start with. Suppose you decide to wear this watch at this moment and you see that the battery is dead; this issue is likely to be fixed at the earliest. However, if you don’t look at this watch for another year or so, the problem may persist. Though the watch is not working, the need to fix this issue doesn’t rise, since you don’t know this fact. Hence you have to be aware first that there is something that needs your attention and only then you can pay such attention.
When it comes to awareness about any bad habit or bad act; it can be achieved by two methods. The first method is the one through which wise people try to make you aware about good and bad things. Hence you can achieve awareness about the bad things you have or you may have in future, through the wisdom of the others; though the rest of the effort required in order to get rid of a bad habit or to stay away from a bad habit is to be done by you. Hence such wise people do a part of this job for you and you do the rest.
Looking at the second method; it gives you awareness through your own experiences and though the first method may not be available to everyone due to a number of variables, this method can be availed by everyone. Whenever you engage in any type of negative act, it creates guilt inside you whether you know it or not. For example, suppose you steal something from a shop and you escape the scene successfully.
Whether you feel it consciously or subconsciously; an amount of guilt has been formed inside you and this guilt will start creating problems for you, though it may all happen on the level of subconscious mind and you may not be consciously aware about this process. Though a number of things may happen, we’ll look at a couple of them. You may not go to this shop for a significant period of time as there is fear of getting caught and at the same time, there is the guilt of having stolen from this shop. Hence if you go to this shop; the circumstances may strengthen this guilt and you may find it difficult to handle.
Accordingly; you avoid going to this shop until this fear as well as this guilt reduces significantly. When it comes to fear, it’ll reduce with time as you know if no action is taken by the shopkeeper within a certain period of time; you’re safe. Hence as this period of time goes by, the fear reduces significantly. When it comes to guilt; it won’t go away on its own and you have to do something to get rid of it. Since this guilt is very likely to be subconscious guilt, the balancing act may also be subconscious.
The reason this guilt may be subconscious is that you may simply never be able to wait for long, with conscious guilt in this case; since conscious guilt is far more difficult to handle. This concept has already been explained earlier. In case conscious guilt rises after stealing, you may either go back to that shop to put this item back or you may donate it to someone who’s in need; and you may not be able to breathe properly until you get rid of this item. It doesn’t stop here and this guilt may not let you steal again. Conscious guilt is what is called awareness and as you know, awareness is the first thing you need in order to get rid of a bad habit.
Coming back to the subconscious guilt; it may trouble you for a few days and then you may automatically engage in a balancing act; to reduce its quantum or to be precise; to pacify it for the time being. Looking at one such act, suppose you’re at a public place and someone drops an item from his bag, like he drops his diary by mistake. Your subconscious mind finds it a good opportunity to balance out the guilt and hence it may act without delay.
You pick up this diary, you run after this person; you approach him and you give him this diary. As he feels thankful; your guilt has been taken care of, for the time being. The first act of steeling was committed under the command of your ego and this act has also been carried out under the command of your ego; though it has been carried out by your subconscious mind. As soon as you receive good words from this person; your ego convinces you that your negative act has been balanced out and hence your guilt is managed for the time being.
This is because you took something away from someone and now you helped someone retrieve a lost item. Hence your ego may convince you that you’ve paid for the first act as this person could have lost his important diary if you were not there to help him. It should be noted that this guilt has been registered at the request of your conscience and the balancing act has been provided by your ego. Though in reality, this act doesn’t balance the act of stealing, your ego now has something to stop you from listening to your conscience.
Let’s look at this series of events happening inside you. Your conscience tries to convince your mind that it is a negative act from the moment you steal it. Since you don’t have high conscience and you have high ego as otherwise; you would not have been able to steal this item to start with; your ego can influence your mind much more than your conscience. Hence your mind registers this complaint but not much is done against your ego, as it is strong.
However, your conscience keeps pressing this complaint in your mind and as a result, a type of disturbance is created inside your subconscious mind. This is because your conscience is making this complaint again and again; but no one is attending to it at all. Hence these voices continue and you keep being disturbed deep down. As soon as your ego manages to get you involved in the second act; it faces your conscience and it says it has paid for the negative act.
Though this payment is not good enough in reality; your ego convinces your mind that it is, as it is much stronger than your conscience; and hence this file is closed for the time being. It should be noted that your conscience may only choose to keep quiet on this issue for the time being; and it is not going to forget this issue. As a result, you may stop hearing such voices of guilt for the time being but this guilt is still there; deep in your subconscious mind.
It keeps happening and you keep creating more and more such pending files of guilt, through repeated acts of a type, like those of selfishness in case of the example chosen here. As this guilt collectively becomes high in quantum and it becomes too difficult for your mind to handle it; transformation starts happening. This is the time when all those closed files are reopened and each one of those memories starts haunting you.
The people who have witnessed this stage ever in their lives may agree that though they engaged in a number of negative acts of a type; such acts never bothered them much until a point in time. However, a random act of the same type say the act number 1000; suddenly created turmoil within them and everything started changing. This is because the guilt caused by such act was high in quantum and at the same time; it was conscious type of guilt.
It should be noted that when conscious guilt of strong type is witnessed; it reopens all the occurrences of subconscious guilt of the same type and this is when transformation happens. For instance; suppose you’ve been engaging in acts of selfishness for a long period of time and the guilt caused by these acts has been lying silently in your subconscious mind, as already explained. Suppose you run a chemist shop and you often engage in acts of selfishness through your profession.
For instance, there is no other chemist shop in this area and hence you often charge more money for medicines or you engage in some other acts of selfishness. Whenever subconscious guilt forms due to one such act of selfishness, you may engage in an act of kindness, in order to pacify such guilt for the time being. For instance, you may earn Rs. 1000 extra during a particular day; through a number of acts of selfishness and dishonesty. Each one of these acts may form guilt which is subconscious.
However through experience; your ego knows how to manage this guilt and hence you do the needful. The next morning, you visit a religious place before going to your shop and you drop Rs. 10 in the donation box. Through this act, your ego has managed to pacify the subconscious guilt for the time being. This is because you engaged in acts of selfishness and then you engaged in an act of kindness; which means the equation is balanced.