Some people hold so many grudges within them that it becomes difficult for them to be happy. Due to such grudges, they may not perform well in many spheres of life.
This is because more grudges and frustrations you hold inside, more negative energy is added to your aura, as grudges and frustrations are negative traits and they add specific type of negative energy to your aura. This energy makes it difficult for you to perform at your best as well as be happy.
People suffering from this habit may complain about many things, people and situations around them. As this habit becomes strong, they may start having grudges about themselves also. For example, when someone asks one such person how things are at his job, he may reply that it’s just all right or not good. He may add that he’s not getting due credit for his work, his boss is not good, his colleagues conspire against him and/or other likewise things. He may hold the grudge that though he deserves much better, he’s not getting it.
Taking another example, suppose someone asks one such person about his marriage. He may enlist a number of grudges related to marriage. He may say that despite his best efforts, it is not as good as it should be and he has to make many compromises. He may add that though he tries his best to keep his wife happy, she still finds problem to pick. He may express that he wish his marriage was better or he was married to someone better. Based on his overall personality, he may also say that may be he’s not fit for her. This may happen when he has low confidence along with the habit of having grudges.
Likewise, when someone asks him about his son’s performance at studies, he may express a number of grudges related to his son, his school, the education system, his wife and/or himself. He may do the same in most spheres of life. Due to such grudges, such people may become frustrated, depressed and pessimistic. Hence people around them may start avoiding them due to the negative vibes they radiate. Even you may not like to be in the company of someone who’s making complaints most of the time. As more and more people move away from them, they may start having more grudges and this habit may aggravate.
Let’s look at the root cause of this problem. Most such people don’t have sufficient amount of confidence. As a result, they may not be able to perform a number of tasks at all or they may not be able to perform them well. Hence they may start abstaining from most such tasks. These are the ones they may want to do but they don’t do because of lack of confidence and/or fear of failing and then looking like losers. As they hold themselves back more and more; grudges, regrets and complaints may build inside them and they may increase in numbers with time.
Taking an example, one such person may wish to go to a woman and ask her out for a date. However, he may lack confidence and he may not do so. Someone else may ask her out and the affected person may hold grudges against himself. Looking at another probability, he may approach the woman but she may refuse to go on a date with him due to various reasons; where his lack of confidence may be a prominent reason. In this case, he may hold grudges against the woman as well as himself.
This may happen to him again and again. He may get rejected by women and he may finally decide not to approach them even if he likes them a lot. This is when the problem may aggravate. He may hold grudges against himself for not being good enough to impress women he likes. At the same time, he may hold grudges against women in general as he may think they don’t treat him well or they don’t treat men well in general.
Looking at another example, you’re at a party and you wish to sing. However due to fear of not performing well and being mocked, you may abstain. When you do so, you add more grudges to your subconscious, since you want to do something but you can’t. Considering another scenario, you don’t like something that someone does or says to you and you wish to confront him. However, you’re not able to do so, likely because you lack the courage and confidence to confront this person. Hence you may hold back. This act may build more grudges. Likewise, you may build a number of grudges and regrets through many other situations.
Looking at regrets, they may almost always be built when you do something wrong or when you want to do something but you don’t, due to various reasons. If you wish to do something, you try it and you give it your best; you may face failure but not regret. Once you’ve given something your best, regret may not be formed. Between failures and regrets, failures are much better. Failures can make you stronger if you learn from them whereas regrets may create serious problems within you. You may forget a failure the moment you achieve a success. However, you may hold a grudge or a regret, even after 25 years or more. Hence grudges and regrets are some of the worst feelings to have.
Let’s look at some day to day activities which may build grudges/regrets. You wish to purchase a dress you like. However you apprehend that it may be too bold for your family or society. You get afraid that they may dislike and criticize you if you wear it. Hence you choose not to purchase such dress. This builds a regret of not buying the dress and it may build grudges against your family, society and yourself. Along with your family and society, you may also hold yourself responsible as you’re not courageous enough to face them.
Hence grudges and regret have been built inside you. Whenever you come across dresses which look like the one in question or whenever you see someone wearing such dress, you may build more grudges. You may hold your family responsible for not letting you have the opportunity to wear such dresses.
These repeated acts may send messages to your subconscious that family demands sacrifices and it imposes too many expectations on you, thereby restricting your freewill. With time and through a number of other acts like this one, you may build strong grudges against your family members. As a result, you may start disagreeing and arguing more with your family members. You may disagree, dislike and/or argue more with those family members; who according to you would have criticized for most things which you didn’t do, if you had done them. It means your subconscious holds them responsible for not letting you enjoy all such things.
Based on your personality, you may choose to go with one of the two options in most cases. You may either start confronting such family members more often and you may try to prove them wrong, even in situations which have got nothing to do with you. Looking at the second option, you may not have his much courage and you may start finding ways to move away from your family, so that you may live your life as you wish.
Looking at the first option, as you prove them wrong again and again, it gives you satisfaction that they are more often wrong than right. Hence they were wrong in stopping you from doing a number of things that you want to do. As that happens repeatedly, your relationship with such family members may start suffering and distance may start building between you and them. With time, this distance may increase. Finally, a stage may reach when the negative energy between you and your family members may become too much to handle. This is when the relationship is damaged seriously and in some cases, permanently.
Looking at the second option, you may not have the courage to argue with your family members and prove them wrong. However, you have grudges against them and they demand you to do something. Hence you may consciously or subconsciously start finding ways to move away from them. Many times, it happens subconsciously and even you may not know the real reason behind some of your actions.
For example, you receive a professional opportunity from a distant place or another country and you accept it at once. Though you think that you’ve done so because such opportunity offers good professional growth, it may not be the real reason or the only reason. Deep down, you wish to move away from your family but you don’t have the courage to say it on their faces. This opportunity has come as your lucky card which you can play and get out without having to take any blames. Hence you may tell your family members how great this opportunity is and how much growth you’re going to witness through it. Though your family members may think you’re moving away to achieve better results in profession, you’re moving away because you’ve built subconscious hatred for your family members through a number of grudges.
As a general rule, more grudges you hold against a person, less are the chances that you may have a healthy relationship with him. More grudges against someone means you have more reasons to dislike him. More you dislike him, more the relationship may suffer. With time, such dislike may become so strong through grudges that you may choose to break up with this person or move away from him, whichever option is available. For example, if it is a marriage or love affair, you may break up. However if it is family, you may move away since it is almost impossible to break up with family. You may move away but you may never be able to break up in the deepest sense.
More is the number of things which make you build grudges against someone, more you may dislike him and worse the relationship may become. Looking at some other activities, you wish to learn couple dance but your spouse is neither willing to learn nor willing to allow you to dance with other people from the opposite gender. Hence you may abstain from attending dance classes, though you really want to. This may build grudges inside you, against your spouse.
Likewise, you may wish to try a different and somewhat strange type of hair style. However, your family members may disapprove and they may mock or criticize you a lot if you choose to go ahead with this choice. As a result, you may either not try such hairstyle or you may switch back to your regular hairstyle, after trying the new one for some time and after receiving a lot of criticism as well as mockery. This builds grudges inside you against your family members.
Looking at some other acts, you wish to hang out with some female friends or you wish to invite them home but you’re afraid that your wife may strongly disapprove. Hence you may end up not doing so and you may hold grudges against her. You may wish to interact with them through social media platforms but you’re afraid that your wife may create a scene if she finds out. Hence you may abstain from doing so and you may hold grudges against her.
You wish to make a career in sports, singing, acting or some other field but you’re afraid that your parents will not allow it, as they want you to study a lot and become a doctor or engineer. You wish to marry a girl you love but you’re afraid that your family will stand in strong opposition to this marriage as she belongs to a different religion. You’re suffering in marriage but you can’t move out of it as your family pressurizes you to make it work. You wish to try non-vegetarian food but you’re afraid your family will disapprove strongly since it is a traditional vegetarian family.
Such incidents as well as other likewise incidents may build grudges and regrets inside you. As a result, you may start disliking people who you think are responsible for not letting you do many things that you want to do. At the same time, you may start disliking a part of yourself for not standing up to what you believe in. With time and more incidents, the number of grudges may increase and it may start causing potential damage to your relationships.
Let’s see how this problem may be fixed. In most cases, two types of restrictions imposed on you cause grudges. The first one is imposed by your family and/or other people. The second type is imposed by yourself, under pretext of a number of fears. For example, you may choose not to wear a dress because you’re afraid that people will disapprove or mock you. In this case, you’re imposing a restriction on yourself since the opinion of people matters more to you than your own freewill. No one is actually stopping you from wearing this dress and you’re choosing not to wear it as you can’t handle people’s disapproval or mockery.
Looking at another example, suppose you wish to make a career in some sport. However, your parents disapprove and they force you to make a career in medical science. You succumb to the pressure and you unwillingly pursue medical science. This builds grudges which are of the first type. You wish to do something and you’re prepared to take chances. Hence you’re not abstaining on account of what other people may think. Your family is putting pressure on you and you can’t handle this pressure. Hence in this case, a major share of such restriction has been put on you by your family.
At first, you should learn to differentiate between these two types of restrictions. The ones that you put on yourself are relatively easy to handle. Hence it’s better to start with them. As always, start with small activities and then build up. For example, if you want to wear a pair of worn-out jeans, start doing so without bothering about what people may think or how they may react. Some people may disapprove but that doesn’t matter, as it is your and not their choice to make. You’ve achieved two goals by doing so. You’ve worn a pair of jeans you like and you’ve taken care of a grudge.
Some people may like how you look and they may approve. Such approvals may give you good feeling and more than that, this experience may teach you an important lesson. Whatever you do, some people may approve and some may disapprove. They’re doing their jobs and you should do yours. It means you should do what you think is right for you and you should not bother about what people think or how they react.
Himanshu Shangari