Let’s now look at two different ways through which a mother may express her love for her son and let’s see how these two different types of expressions change everything. Let’s consider two mothers who think they love their sons purely and let’s find out whether or not it is so in reality. The first mother expresses her love for her son many times a day but this expression comes naturally and it is not accompanied by anything which conveys that she needs some type of return for this love in the present or in the future.
For instance, she may hug her son many times a day and tell him that she loves him and that’s it. She finds her son enjoying the sandwich which she just made for him and her entire body may start expressing that she loves her son; though she may not say it through words in this case. She finds him suffering from fever; she tries to stay awake the entire night so that she’s there whenever her son needs her and she doesn’t even bother telling him in the morning that she kept awake for him throughout the night.
She finds him badly in need of money when he’s about 30 years old; she gives him the money she has and she doesn’t even bother telling him that she saved this money slowly and with effort over a period of 20 years. Similarly; she may do a number of other things for her son and she may never feel the need to make him consciously aware that she’s doing so much for him. This is because when love is pure; it alone is sufficient and it doesn’t need reciprocation from the other end, which means it doesn’t want anything in return; even if that thing is love.
Even in this day and age; it is not difficult to find such mothers who do this type of things for their children and that is why almost no relationship of love can be compared to the love of a mother for her children. The best thing is that a mother of this type doesn’t even have to think once in order to do something for her children and it all happens naturally; according to the demand of the situation. For instance, when this mother comes to know that her son is in real need of money; she may offer her the money she has; even before she is able to think whether or not she should do so.
This is because this love is pure; it lies deep within her and hence all the decisions related to her son are coming from deep within her. Since conscious thought process is the job of the conscious mind and the conscious mind is not engaged in this equation of love at all; everything is done on subconscious level. As you know; whatever happens through subconscious mind happens naturally and one such act is not controlled by conscious mind.
Let’s now look at the mother of the second type who thinks she loves her son purely but she’s mistaken in reality; as her love has corruption in it; even if such corruption is not high in percentage. It should be noted that even when a mother’s love is corrupted; it may still be high in purity and rarely may you come across a mother whose love has more corruption than purity. This means that even in case of second type of mothers; the purity factor may still be higher than 50% and the corruption factor may still be less than 50%.
Let’s now look into the case of second type of mothers. A mother of this type may also express her love for her son a number of times; but these expressions are corrupted in most cases and this is what indicates her love is not pure. As a rule; more is the number of such acts of corrupted expressions of love; higher is the percentage of corruption in her love. Let’s look at the same examples which were considered for the first type of mother, and see how she may express her love in all those situations; so that an obvious contrast may be observed, in order to understand this concept in a better manner.
She hugs her son with love, she says she loves him and then she adds that she knows he’ll make her proud one day. She watches her son enjoying the sandwich and she tells him that she knows this sandwich is his favourite one and that is why she’s made it for him. She keeps awake for her son, throughout the night and the next morning; she tells him that she was on vigil for the entire night in order to make sure that she’s there for him in case he needs her. She may give her son the money she saved over 20 years, though she may need thought and effort in order to do so since parting with money saved over a period of 20 years is difficult for most people.
However, she may mention this fact to him consciously and clearly that she’s saved this money with great difficulty over a period of twenty years but she’s still willing to give it to him. She may also add that he’s the only one for whom she can think of parting with this money and she may not do it for anyone else. Though in all the cases, this mother has also done the same things like the mother of the first type; there’s a significant difference between the percentage purity of the love they have for their respective sons.
The love of the first type of mother is expressed in each one of these situations in a way that the expression of love itself is sufficient and whether or not the son knows about this expression; doesn’t matter at all. This is because deep down; she has pure love for her son; this love doesn’t need anything in return and hence whether the son knows it or not; doesn’t matter at all. This is why all she cares for is to express love in the most natural way and she’s not interested in any types of returns. Hence this mother is focused on the act of love and she’s not focused on the result of this act. It means she’s engaging in Nishkaam karma, as already explained in an earlier part of this book.
When it comes to mother of the second type; love alone is not there and there are expectations attached to her love for her son. These expectations are attached by her ego and though she may not know it consciously; she’s wishing for returns in future; through her son. As already explained; as long as the desire for return is there; love is not pure and it is corrupted. Pure love only means to love and it doesn’t attach any condition, even if such condition is nothing else but to be loved in return. As soon as any condition for return is attached; it adds corruption to love. An interesting thing is that people who attach conditions usually don’t get pure love in return whereas the people who don’t attach conditions may get purer love in return.
Looking at her expressions; she hugs her son and she says she knows he’ll make her proud one day. An expectation for return is obviously there since she’s wishing for her son to return this love by making her proud one day. It should be noted that if this son turns out to be a criminal or a bad person; this mother will suffer a lot because things have turned out in a way which is the exact opposite of what she wanted. Though a mother of the first type may also suffer if her son turns a criminal; the reasons behind their sufferings are different and that is what changes everything.
The first type of mother may suffer for the wellbeing of her son and she may not be concerned at all about herself. It means if she has to visit a police station when her son is locked up for a crime and she’s called by the police to complete certain formalities; she may suffer because her son has been locked up and not because she has to face humility on account of being the mother of a criminal. No, she may still love her son the same and she may not even think of telling her son that she’s facing humiliation or insult because of him.
On the other hand, the mother of the second type suffers; primarily because his son has let her down though she may still have concerns for her son also. Hence when this mother visits a police station; she may feel insulted by being the mother of a criminal and she may even tell this to her son that he should not engage in such acts which bring insult to her or to the entire family.
The difference is again obvious. The first type of mother may tell her son to stop engaging in such acts because she’s worried about his wellbeing. On the other hand, the second type of mother may tell her son to stop engaging in crimes; primarily because they bring bad reputation to her or to the entire family. Hence the son is more important for the mother of the first type whereas her own self is more important for the mother of the second type. It doesn’t mean this mother doesn’t love her son; it only means she loves herself more than her son whereas the mother of the first type loves her son more than herself.
This will always happen in case of pure love. You simply can’t control this type of love and you’ll always end up loving your lover more than you love yourself. This is another simple rule which can be used to check whether your love is pure or not. If you put your lover before you in most situations; the chances are high that your love is pure. However, if you put yourself before your lover in a number of situations and you’re willing to take only calculated losses for your lover; your love is corrupted. If your love belongs to the second category, there is yet another rule which can help you check the percentage of purity as well as that of corruption in your love.
More is the quantum of risk you’re willing to take for your lover; higher is the percentage of purity in your love. On the other hand, less is the quantum of risk you’re willing to take for your lover; less is the percentage of purity in your love. For instance, if a mother hates being insulted but she still goes to the police station; she gets humiliated and she doesn’t even complain to her son; her love is high in purity.
If a mother hates being insulted but she still goes to the police station; she gets insulted and she tells her son that she has suffered insult because of him; this love is less in purity; though the percentage of purity in it may still be higher than that of corruption. Looking at one more case; if a mother hates being insulted and she refuses to go to the police station as she fears insult; though she may send another relative to sort the situation out; her love is even less in purity and the corruption factor is even higher in this case.
Coming back to the mother of the second type; when she tells her son that he’ll make her proud one day; neither may she say it consciously nor the son may notice it consciously. However, her subconscious mind has made her say these words intentionally and the subconscious mind of her son will record these words. As she keeps repeating such words from time to time; her son feels a subconscious need to make her mom feel proud. He may never pay much conscious attention to her words but through repetition; her desire will be recorded on his subconscious mind.
In easy language; this mother is trying to condition her son to make her proud in future; though she may be doing it subconsciously which means even she may not be aware that she’s conditioning her son and she may simply feel she’s wishing him good things for future. Whether this conditioning affects her son positively or negatively is not the scope of this discussion.