Lack of trust in most people, things and situations is one negative habit which is increasing with time. As a result, more and more people are falling preys to this habit. Many people think that it has become difficult to trust most people in the present times.
Accordingly, such people choose a safer way to operate, which is not to trust most people they meet or interact with. Some of them may not even trust people close to them. Not trusting people and being doubtful most of the time may save you from being cheated and getting hurt in many situations. However, it may also keep you away from a number of beautiful people, things and situations.
It is like you build walls around you to protect yourself from bad weather, natural disasters like storm, animals and bad people. This set of walls is called house. Though a house can protect you from a number of things and people, protection is always two ways. It restricts outside things and people from reaching you and at the same time, it restricts you from reaching them. As a result, you may not be able to enjoy beautiful weather, scenic views, open sky, fresh air and a number of other things; unless you keep sufficient provisions in such house.
Hence you may choose to have doors, windows, rooftop, lawn, balconies and other such things which help you enjoy a number of things as and when you want. This way, you try to balance security and natural beauty. If you have a house which doesn’t offer windows, balconies, lawn or open space and rooftop; you may be derived of some of the most beautiful things which exist in nature. Hence a house stops outside things/people from reaching you but it also stops you from reaching them; unless you’ve made provisions. The same theory works in case of lack of trust. When this habit becomes strong, you may build many walls around you; with no windows, doors and other such things which may help you connect to the outside world.
Most people suffering from this habit may believe that people are not worthy of being trusted. They can share many such experiences when they trusted people and such people hurt them in a number of ways. Hence they stopped trusting people.
Let’s see how this habit is formed. When a person gets hurt/cheated by someone he trusts, for the first time; he may react broadly in two ways. If his overall mindset is positive, he may not care much and he may move on. If his overall mindset is negative, he may think that not all people are worthy of being trusted. The one with positive mindset may not develop this habit and the one with negative mindset may.
As he thinks so, he sends a message to his subconscious mind to be cautious when dealing with people. Over time, he may come across many people as well as situations which may hurt him or he may end up getting hurt. After each one of such experiences, he may send messages to his subconscious that people/situations should not be trusted. With time and repetition, such messages may take form of a script. This script is that of lack of trust. Once it is formed, it may become difficult for him to trust people, things and situations. As this script gets stronger, the problem may aggravate.
As a result, he may not trust most people around him, including the ones who’re close to him. Instead, he may doubt most people around him as he is afraid that most people may hurt him if he trusts them. When that happens, he may face issues in profession, relationships and other spheres. This is because in order to make the most in any sphere of life, you have to trust people, you have to give them responsibilities; and you have to believe in them. Without doing so, almost none of your relationships whether professional or personal, may work in the best possible ways.
Since you may not trust people with important jobs or responsibilities and you may not believe what they say or do, people around you may notice it with time. Some of them may try to gain your trust by doing many things for you whereas some others may choose to move away, as they may feel uncomfortable in your company. Almost no one wants to be with someone who doesn’t trust him/her, even after years of being with him/her and doing so many things together.
This may be your defense mechanism which protects you from getting hurt by other people. However, this defense mechanism has reached a stage where it is hurting people in order to protect you from getting hurt. It means the problem has not been treated or cured but it has only reversed the donors and recipients. Earlier you trusted people and got hurt whereas now, you’re hurting people by not trusting them even when they duly deserve it.
People who have strong habit of lack of trust may naturally (subconsciously) express it through their daily activities. For example, such people are likely to; check a glass or cup filled with some drink and make sure if the glass or cup is not dirty from any place; hesitate a lot in having any drink or some other eatable offered by someone else if this item is new for them and they don’t know much about it; and feel uncomfortable or respond negatively if someone requests them for using their cell phones, laptops or other personal gadgets for short periods of time on account of some urgencies.
Likewise, one such person may not pay attention to someone’s advice even when such advice is good. He may also not offer help to unknown people in need, like he may not give lift to someone he doesn’t know, even if the other person has an emergency.
Looking at more examples; such people are likely to, regularly watch such movies or shows where people get hurt by trusting other people; not share most of their intimate feelings and experiences even with the closest people in their circles; and not accept new friend requests on social networking portals, even if the person is from the same gender and already has a good number of mutual friends.
They are likely to, have a limited number of friends on social networking portals as well as in real life; not share their food with other people and not eat from other people’s food like when many people are eating from the same plate; neither wear someone else’s clothes/shoes nor offer their own clothes/shoes if someone else wishes/needs to use them; feel uncomfortable when one of their friends meets another one of their friends and they both wish to meet and know each other more often; and do many other such things which exhibit lack of trust in almost everyone and everything, on a subconscious level.
Likewise, there are hundreds of other such examples. As a guideline, more is the number of such day to day activities, stronger is the habit of lack of trust. When this habit is strong or very strong, the affected person may not trust most people and he may crosscheck even the smallest of jobs they may do for him.
As this habit gets even stronger, one such person may start doubting even himself. Hence he may double-check many of his own activities also. For instance, he may lock the door when he leaves house, start to move away and then get back to make sure that the door is locked. Likewise, he may lock his car, move away and press the lock button on the remote after walking some distance, to make sure that the car is locked. He may count money twice whenever he receives it. Similarly, he may engage in a number of other such activities which indicate his lack of trust in people, things, situations and even in himself.
It should be noted that most people have some weak spots or vulnerabilities and that doesn’t make them lack trust. Hence if someone engages in a selected few of such activities, he may not lack trust. However, if there’s a pattern and he does so in most spheres, he has this habit. For example, someone may have a troublesome shot-term memory. Hence he may double check the door locks and/or car locks. However, he trusts people and situations without any issues. It means he doesn’t lack trust but he has issues with memory and he ensures that he’s doing important activities twice, in order to be certain.
Likewise, someone may have emotional attachment with his clothes or shoes and he may not share them with anyone. Looking at another probability, he may care a lot for personal hygiene and he may not believe in eating from other people’s plates. Similarly, various people may have some of such things which they may do in their own special ways. They may not have habit of lack of trust as long as there are no patterns.
For instance, one such person may not share clothes but he may share money, car, apartment and a number of other things with his friends and relatives. It means he doesn’t lack trust. Likewise, one such person may not eat from other people’s plates but he may trust them with important jobs and he may believe in them completely. Hence he doesn’t have a habit of lack of trust. Therefore, when trying to diagnose this habit; you need to look for patterns and not for isolated events. People who have this habit may exhibit lack of trust in most spheres of their lives; as well as dozens of times a day.
Once this habit becomes strong, people may get uncomfortable in your company. Hence some of them may maintain distance whereas some others may move away from you. Since most of them may not tell you why they’re doing so as they may find it offensive saying so on your face, you may not even realize why most people keep distance from you or leave you. This may not help your problem and on the contrary, this may aggravate it. This is because you doubt that people are not worthy of being trusted and this is how you see them behaving.
It means you see them getting closer to you and then you see them move away, for no obvious reasons. This may aggravate your problem and you may become more careful that you don’t let people get closer to you, since most of them move away. This is where your problem has become serious. You don’t trust people and you let them get closer with difficulty. However, they move away after some time; reasserting your belief that they are not worthy of being trusted. Here again, the cause and effect have formed a vicious circle and one is feeding the other. Lack of trust pushes people away from you and as more people move away from you, you doubt more.
Himanshu Shangari