The negative habits of being dishonest, selfish, unkind, uncaring and possessive; they all have a common root. They are caused because of assigning so much importance to yourself that you’re not able to assess the feelings as well as value of others.
In other words, ego is the root cause of all these problems. As you become more and more focused on yourself, you start caring less and less for others. Hence you want to achieve and collect most good things and you don’t wish to share them with anyone or with most people. With conscious efforts, you’ve written a script on your subconscious mind that you wish to collect all the people and things you like and in order to do so, you’re willing to engage in unfair practices. Hence you become greedy, selfish and dishonest.
Selfishness lies in the root of greed and dishonesty. You don’t need to be dishonest and you can’t be greedy unless you’re selfish. It is the desire to collect everything you like, which makes you greedy and dishonest. Collecting for yourself is an act of selfishness, when such collections are far beyond your basic needs. Hence selfishness is the root cause of these two problems.
Similarly, other problems like being uncaring, unkind and possessive have their roots in selfishness. For example, when you are unkind to someone, it is because you know that in order to be kind, you will have to lose something or let go of something that you own or possess, if such help demands resources. On the other hand if such an act requires physical help or guidance, the first thing that may come to your mind is “why should I help this person when there is nothing in it for me”? In the first case, you don’t help others in order to save what you have whereas in the second case, you don’t help others because you don’t have anything to gain. Hence it’s about you in both the cases.
Moving ahead, in order to care for someone, you need to be selfless and you need to think beyond your personal gains. This is something that a selfish person may never do. Likewise in case of being possessive, you must be selfish in order to possess things and especially people, even against their wishes.
Each of us may have to act selfish, dishonest, uncaring, unkind or possessive at times, due to various reasons. Though doing so may not be good, it may be acceptable. However, if you do such things on regular basis, it means you’ve turned these practices into habits. Hence you’re engaging in them, not because you have to, but because you want to. In the first case, you may do so because of circumstances and not because you take joy in such practices. However in the second case, you do so because you like them.
Taking an example, suppose you as well as another person has been bitten by a venomous snake and you have antidote which is sufficient for one person only. You may save yourself instead of saving the other person and you may feel sorry for the other person. Though this act may be considered selfish, you didn’t have much choice. Hence you didn’t save this person because of limitation and not because you wanted him to die.
Suppose you as well as another person has been bitten by a venomous snake and you have antidote which is sufficient to save five people. Even then if you let the other person die as you want to save all of antidote for yourself; you’re selfish. This time, you’re not engaging in such act because you don’t have any choice. You have a choice to save both of you but you instead choose to save you only. In this case, you may not feel sorry for the other person when he dies. This is because you don’t care about him and that is why you let him die though you could save him easily.
Looking at another example, suppose people are dying of hunger and you have food or resources which may be sufficient for you and your family for a week or so. Hence you may choose not to share such food since you have fears that you and your family may not survive without this food for long. Though such act may be called selfish but it may not be something you want to do as you may feel sorry for such people.
Suppose people are dying of hunger and you have food or resources which may last for years. Even then if you choose not to share such resources with the needy, you’re selfish by choice and not because of any fears or limitations. The only reason that you don’t want to share may be that you don’t care what happens to other people and you’re concerned about yourself only.
Likewise, some people may be dishonest at times, more because of circumstances, than willingly. For example, you may be an honest person but you may tell a lie in order to save your son from a serious trouble. Though it is still an act of dishonesty; you’re doing so not because you enjoy doing so but because you’re worried for the wellbeing of your son. Hence this may not be an honest act but it doesn’t make you a person who’s dishonest by choice.
On the other hand, if you engage in acts of dishonesty on regular basis, in order to make more money or gain other advantages; you’re dishonest by choice. Though you can manage well by being honest, you want to earn more and more; even if you have to be dishonest in order to do so. Hence you’re dishonest by choice and not because of some fear, compulsion or circumstances.
Such negative habits may add more and more negative energy to your aura, as they may make you engage in karmas which may be bad or very bad. Apart from that, they may hinder your spiritual growth. Hence you need to get rid of these habits at the earliest.
Let’s look at some practices which may help you get rid of these habits. Start engaging in small conscious acts of kindness and let go of your possessions in small quantities or amounts. At this level, attempt small tasks and don’t try to engage in big ones as you may fail. For example, if according to your financial status, you’re comfortable with donating USD 5 every day, start with this amount and don’t donate USD 500 in one go, in a bout of motivation.
If you go for the second option, you may regret soon after doing so and you may choose to disengage from this practice. At the same time, you may start looking for ways to recover the money you’ve lost. Such ways are likely to be unfair since you’re suffering from being dishonest and selfish. It means you may end up aggravating your problem instead of reducing it.
Hence start with small acts and then build up as you feel comfortable. When you do that, your subconscious mind may put resistance, which may be somewhat but not a lot stronger than what you can consciously handle. Hence you may get through with conscious efforts. Apart from donations, you may engage in other acts of kindness which are suitable according to your level.
It means you may offer physical or other types of help to needy people or organizations. If you have a lot of money and possessions, you should engage more in donations than in acts of other types of help. This is because there may be strong subconscious attachment to money and other valuables due to which, you’ve gathered so much. It means money is what makes you weak or selfish. Hence start giving it away.
This way, you’ll deal with the problem in the best possible manner. If you can learn to let go of money and you can keep doing so for a significant period of time, you may stop bothering about collecting more and more of it. When that happens, you may not engage in acts of being dishonest or selfish, since you don’t have much to gain through them now. This is because you may not feel like making more money through unfair means when you already know that you’re not going to save it and you’re going to donate it. Since the extra money is not going to stay with you, you may choose to earn through fair means only.
As you engage in more and more such acts, your conscious mind may send signals to your subconscious to the effect that you’re willing to let go of your possessions, in order to help other people. With time, the subconscious may start paying attention to these messages and it may start making changes to the script written on it; which says you’re selfish, greedy and dishonest.
Looking at another aspect of this practice, as you help people, they may transfer positive energy to your aura. At the same time, you may enjoy the feeling of joy that they have when your help brings them relief. All these factors may help you. With time and efforts, you may feel comfortable with this level as your subconscious may stop posing resistance to your acts of kindness. When that happens, move to the next level and increase the quantum of help. Be wise enough to assess how much money or help you can afford to offer at any point in time. Don’t cross that line as that may cause problems for you.
With time and efforts, your subconscious may replace more parts of the old script with the new script. As a result, it may start encouraging you to help people, instead of posing resistance. At the same time, it may start posing resistance, whenever you try to engage in acts of being selfish and hurt other people. This is because the subconscious now recognizes you as a kind and considerate person. Hence it may not let you be selfish and greedy. The mathematical equation on it says that if you’re going to donate your money to the needy; why earn it through unfair means in the first place? As a result, you may find it increasingly difficult to be selfish.
As you engage in more and more selfless acts of kindness, you may develop a taste or habit for them. It means you may start enjoying the happiness your acts bring to people. Once you become addicted to such happiness, you may not be able to render them sorrows through selfish deeds, even if you want to. When you reach such stage, your habit of being selfish is gone.
Two opposite habits can’t stay strong at the same time, within you. Hence when kindness arrives, selfishness starts packing. Selfishness may keep reducing as kindness gains more and more strength. The sum total of two opposite habits or energies within you is always 100. It means if you are 80% selfish, you may be 20% kind. Likewise, if you’re 80% kind, you may only be 20% selfish.
This is a very important fact which you can use to your advantage. When it comes to get rid of a habit, there are broadly two ways of doing so. You can start fighting such habit but it may not prove effective. Looking at the other way, you can try to develop the habit which lies exactly opposite to the habit in question. This may work wonderfully.
The first way is the way of destruction, as you try to destroy a habit. Hence it is a negative method. Apart from that, you’re constantly focused on the habit that you wish to get rid of; which can make your job difficult. This is because your conscious focus provides more strength to whatever thing or habit has such conscious focus. It is like you feel strong urges to eat certain things that you’re prohibited to eat for some reason. Your conscious focus shifts on such things and they become more desirable.
The second method is to develop another habit which may take care of the habit that you wish to get rid of. This method is constructive as you don’t try to destroy anything but you try to develop something. Your focus is on developing a habit and such focus may make it easy for you to develop it. Since you’re not focusing on the habit that you’re trying to quit, you don’t provide extra strength to such habit.
Hence it is better to develop a positive habit which is the opposite of a negative habit, whenever you have that choice. For instance, you should focus on being kind and you should not focus on not being selfish. As kindness develops, selfishness has to leave. The same holds true for other habits.
Looking at the two strongest entities living within us; don’t try to get rid of ego; and simply focus on developing conscience. As the percentage of conscience within you increases, ego decreases in the same ratio. When conscience reaches 100%, ego is gone and you’re liberated.
Your subconscious mind can be your best friend and it can also be your worst enemy. However, it is graceful enough not only to always give you this choice; but also to allow you to change your choice at any time, though that may need effort and time.
Hence make your choices wisely and make best use of your subconscious mind, if you wish to achieve more in your life and you wish to witness more spiritual growth.
Himanshu Shangari