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This is due to the reason that when you compete with people who are below you, you don’t bother much about improving yourself, sharpening yourself and training more because you already know that even if you don’t do any extra effort or training, you are still going to win. Though you have won too, but it is not a win in real sense because you have not gained anything at all as your performance remains that same and it may have even downgraded as you didn’t bother to train and increase it. On the other hand, when you decide to complete with the people who are better than you, such completion pushes you to the edges, you start working hard, training hard and you start focusing more and more on this completion because you know that in order to outdo these people, you have to become better than you are and there is no other way around.

Hence you give it your best and though you may outdo some of these people or you may still not be able to perform better than any of them after all your hard work and best effort, you have certainly gained a lot because all that hard work and training has improved your abilities and though they may still not match the abilities of most people better than you, it doesn’t matter at all. For example, let’s consider that you have a specific ability which is 50 out of 100 in that specific field, and you decide to participate in a competition in the same field, where all other competitors are having a skill level of 70 or more.

As you prepare for this competition and as you know that all other competitors have a skill level of 70 or more and in order to outdo any one of them, you have to improve your skill level from 50 to 71 at least, you start working hard to improve your skill level so that you may reach a skill level of 71 or more, before this competition starts. Let’s assume that in the worst case, you are only able to reach a skill level of 60 and you are not able to outdo any one of your competitors who have skill levels of 70 or higher, and so you appear a loser to many people as you have finished last.

But look deeply and you will find that before you prepared for this competition, your skill level was 50 whereas at the end of this competition, your skill level is 60, which means you have increased your skill by 20 percent. Hence you are not a loser because you have improved a skill considerably and you have gained a lot. It should be noted that we are talking about the worst case and it could be the case that you may raise your skill level to 75 and you may outdo some of the competitors though you may still not finish first as the person finishing first may have a skill level of 90 or higher.

Even in this case, you don’t have to bother about what number you finish at because you have raised your skill level from 50 to 75 which is an increase in skill by 50 percent. Hence in this case also, you have not lost anything and in fact you have gained a lot. If you keep engaging in such practices, you will be able to increase any of your specific skills with time and you don’t have to bother about your success relative to other people’s success because that doesn’t matters much. All that matters is that you are improving and you are not a loser as long as you are improving and gaining, but you are an achiever and a winner.

You will be a loser only if you decide to let the opportunity pass by in which case, you have not gained anything at all and your skill level remains the same, which is 50 in this example. In this case, an opportunity comes your way, your skill level is 50 when this opportunity approaches you and your skill level is still 50 when this opportunity passes you by. Hence you have not gained anything at all and you have lost a valuable opportunity, which certainly makes you a loser. So don’t be afraid of trying anything whether it is competing with someone, competing with yourself or trusting other people because you will only end up gaining in the long run and that is what matters the most.

Hence start meeting new people, start assessing which ones can be trusted initially and then give them their due chances, and you will find that even though you may still get hurt by some of the people you trust, you will also gain some very good people who can prove an asset for life and who you could not have gained, had you not engaged in this practice of trusting people. Don’t bother about the few people who looked worthy of being trusted to you, you trusted them accordingly but they hurt you, as all this is a part of the process. Remember that just like you will always find the roses accompanied by thorns, lotuses accompanied by mud and many other things and products accompanied by waste things and products; you will almost always find good people hidden among a mixture of many other types of people including bad people.

Just like you select the roses and reject the thorns; just like you select the lotus and reject the mud; just like you select good tomatoes or apples and reject the bad ones; just like you select the edible part of a banana and reject the peel; just like you select the websites you like and reject the ones you don’t, after searching through hundreds of websites on internet; just like you select your favorite shows and reject the others after watching many different shows; just like you select the tasty food items and reject the bad ones at a party; just like you select the job offers which are good for you and reject the ones which don’t suit you; you have to learn to select good people and reject the bad ones, and the only way of doing that is to test a variety of people and then find the ones who are assets for you.

You do the same in most other spheres of your life and you will have to do it if you need more friends, more relationships and more happiness in your life. Just like you can’t decide whether you like a food item or not, without tasting it, you can’t decide whether a person is worthy of your trust or not, without testing him. Moving on, just like you don’t stop tasting more food items until you find the ones you like, even if you don’t like the first three or five food items you taste at a party; you simply should not stop meeting, testing and trusting more and more people because that is the only way you are going to grow as a person and as a soul.

The more you open yourself to people, the more you share, the more you gain, the more you expand, the more you learn, the more you experience and accordingly the more you grow, on all levels. On the other hand, the more you shut yourself off and the more you stay away from people; the more you move away from life, the more you contract instead of expanding, the fewer opportunities you get to share, gain, learn and experience, and accordingly, the less you grow, on all levels. Hence you have to start meeting, testing and trusting people, as you simply can’t choose not to grow, because the ultimate goal of the journey of every soul is to grow more and more. Therefore you have to recognize this goal sooner than later and you have to start working towards achieving this goal.

As in case of all other negative habits, there are some helpful tips when you start treating your problem of lack of trust by meeting, testing and trusting more and more people; and these tips can help you get rid of this problem in an easier and faster manner. There are two important phases of establishing a relationship with most people and you should learn to do good in both these phases. After meeting new people, the first important phase is to assess them initially and see if they are worthy of a chance or not, to start with.

The term ‘assess them initially’ means that you should not start trusting most people you meet in order to find the ones who are good for you, after being inspired by my writing. You should have some initial criteria in place, which can help you decide which people are worthy of being given a chance and which of them are not even worth considering. It means that you should move to the second phase of trying to develop a relation if and only if you find that the other person initially looks good to you.

For example, sometimes you meet some people who start making you feel uncomfortable or even annoy you a lot, within the very first ten minute of you meeting them. These people are not worthy of being given a chance as your initial equation with them is very bad and it will be very difficult for you to build a good relationship with them at the first level of this treatment, even if some of them have some real good habits. This is due to the reason that just like the treatment for other negative habits, you should start only with those people you feel comfortable with and you should avoid those people you don’t feel comfortable with as these people are too difficult for you to handle at this first level of treatment. So avoid them.

Moving on to the next category of people, you may come across some people who while talking to you for the very first time, start talking so much about other people and especially about their hidden secrets and in doing so, they may reveal some secrets of some of their already established friends also. For example, such a person while interacting with you for the very first or second time may tell you how one of his friends who is standing at a distance from you two, suffered from a broken marriage after his wife got to know about his extramarital affair.

Back off immediately as this person is not worthy of being trusted because a person who is selling a friend out merely to make an interesting conversation in order to have some fun, is surely going to do the same or even worse to you. No matter how well this person may be doing financially, no matter how many other good qualities or assets he may have, he is certainly not worthy of being trusted and that is all you need to know at this stage. If you are lured by some other good looking qualities of this person and you decide to start building a relationship with this person, you are only going to regret in future because he will sell you out every now and then.

Moving on, when you are assessing someone initially, ask them intentionally about some of their friends and observe. If this person speaks ill about many of his friends, you know that he is not a good person. This is because a good person will always speak well about his friends and he will cover all their flaws while speaking about them to someone else, especially to the people he is meeting for the first or second time. They are his friends whom he has himself chosen and with whom he has shared many good as well as bad times and if he can’t speak well about most of them, the chances are fairly high that there is nothing wrong with his friends and the problem lies with him. So avoid him too.

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To be Continued

Lord Shiva Bless You

Himanshu Shangari